Archive for November, 2011

How can I get the courage?

Over the thanksgiving holiday, my husband and I slept at my mother’s house in my old room.  The house is shared with my sister, her daughter and my mother. 

 My husband stayed up late and I went to bed because I was intoxicated.  Well, when he came in to sleep, he started making his moves on me – not a problem.

 Problem, problem, and a problem.

 In the mist of us “making love” he says “jennifer, I want to be in you so badly.”

 My heart stopped.  Jennifer is my niece who happens to be 30 years old. 

 I was so hurt, yet didn’t have the courage to say anything to him – to make a scene.

 I am angry, and now somewhat jealous of my niece.

 Yet my feelings of jealousy should not be of my niece; but it should be anger for him being such a dick.

 How can I get the courage to leave him; when I love him?


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My husband recently related a story to me where he indicated he had an iphone.  I immediately questioned him, “do you have an iphone?”  He responds, “noooo, you know what I’m saying.”  No — I don’t.

The reality of it is that some people who cheat, if they believe that you’ve caught on to them, they  might have the audacity to get an extra phone to call the other person. 

How does one find such a hidden phone.

Unless you have enough time and energy, it will be extremely hard to do so.  Some folks are so sneaky that if you don’t have a nanny cam running 24-7, there’s no way to be able to find it.  Not even the use of a recorder could help you.

The saddest thing is, when you love the person and they don’t feel the need to be with you ONLY, and they are with someone else.  You lose the courage to leave them, and yet they don’t have the courage to tell you the truth, so EVERYONE suffers.

What cheaters don’t realise is that if you tell the truth, they will be able to help everyone in the show have a happy ending — no not that type of happy ending.

He or she may not be calling you at all during the day, but they are calling the other person.

He may not own a iPhone with you, but he owns one with her!

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Why do people cheat on their partners – male or female partners? Is it because they are just inhuman; they have no consideration? What is it?  Is it only Kim Kardashian who gets cheated on? Nope, it’s just more publicised with her and is it really real or fake?

My family and friends, when I told them of my suspicion, thought I was a lunatic, because he treated/treats me so good.

Hell, I even went to a seer; who said yes, he was with two women, but couldn’t really tell me when and where, only that it was a 30 minute deal because he couldn’t keep it together after that. How did she know that; it was true at least that part.

Thousands of years ago, when I was young and stupid, I cheated with someone. I broke up with him many times, but he kept coming back; and I like a fool would continue with it. When I had dates, he would call me, and I like a dork would pick up the phone, and talk to him briefly, and then get back to going on my date. It was a fucked up tactic he used, because when I went on the date I would hate the person. We broke up because his wife got pregnant and had the baby – the arse didn’t even have the courage to tell me the truth. We have managed to remain friends, but to tell you the truth, I don’t really try to keep in touch. He still makes comments about us being together, even when I was with someone else, and he met him – it was fucked up!

I feel like I’m paying for my karma now, but if the Lord our God is supposed to forgive us and we are supposed to forgive ourselves, etc, how come I’m in this predicament?

Back to the future or present.

I also believe my husband has fathered a baby with this woman. Every now and then I see her, but I don’t have the courage to ask her. Recently we saw her and she came over to us, but as usual, she didn’t make eye contact with me, only with him, and only spoke to him. Apparently, to her, I was just a tree standing on the curb; and received no acknowledgement.

I want to catch him, but can’t do it. I don’t have the money to afford a private eye. I’ve taken off work many times, and he’s actually, one time, saw me. I had to lie why I was walking in a different area. I had taken the train two stops before ours and decided to walk towards the apartment, but he was driving up the block and saw me. What’s really sad, is this woman.

What I don’t understand, is why didn’t he marry her instead of me, if he wanted to be with her; because I believe he is still continuing it with her.

I have always had an inkling he was cheating on me, but when I would try to catch him, it never seemed to work.

I’m using this blog to help get rid of my frustrations; and may be someone will be able to help me out with a kind and wise word.

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