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I got home early or just at 6 p.m.  It was interesting, because I get butterflies in my stomach or a nervous energy.  So, I walked home and there is a short cut, however, if the gate is closed – there’s no short cut, it’s a longer walk – to the gate, find out it’s closed and back down the road and around the bend.

So last night walking home, I decided forget the short cut and head straight home.  From the side of the road, you can see the lights and windows of my house.  I noticed, the lights were off, but a bit oddly.  The kitchen light was on, and from our son’s room you can see through the window to the open door of our bedroom, and the light was on there.

When I got to the front of the house – all the lights were off.

I put my keys into the first door and as usual.  However, there is a second door and the lock was on – hmmm.  As I entered the mudroom, I took my boots off and my coats.  Immediately my husband came to the door to greet me, “oh, you’re home early.”  My response, no.  He responds, “don’t you usually get here at 6:18?”  Me, “only when I’m on the 5:30 bus.”

He then laughs and tells me you should see what I did to my butt.  When I was shaving, I cut my self up under my butt.  He drags me into the bedroom.  All the lights remain off in the house.

Then he is very anxious to leave the house.  Let’s go get sushi but now.

He is acting peculiar.  This is where my instincts should have gone off; but instead I tell him I’m going to take a quick shower. 

Blah, blah, blah.

Late last night, I can’t fall asleep and start thinking about what’s just happened – I believe someone else was in the house with him and he didn’t expect me early.  I was a fool not to casually walk through the house.

This morning, he get’s dressed for work and he’s in jeans and casual attire.  Why are you dressed like that?  He says he’s going to be out in the field and doesn’t want to get his work clothes dirty. 

I’m not taking lunch today; and leaving early to find out what’s going on!

Oh, I can’t I’ve got a doc’s appointment that I’ve waited for – 3 months ago.  I’m screwed.

I can’t catch him today.


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Cheating Hearts

I have realized that it’s not only my cheating heart that is out there, but other women’s cheating hearts too!

I travel to work on public transportation, it’s not too convenient, but it’s better than taking a car; here are two stories to tell.  These two stories are real, not made up; I’ve witnessed it first hand.  One story happened on the train, and the other the bus.

The first is of a young man (“YM”), who had some trouble and spent time in the big house.  His mother, unfortunately, had a heart attack – unbeknownst to me, I am not sure if it was due to his incarceration.

The YM is riding home and decides to take a cell call.  He starts off with telling the person on the phone, that he couldn’t believe it!  He only had sex with the young girl (age 19), once; and she’s pregnant.  He is heart broken because after she told him, he tried to see her but to no avail.  YM went to the girl’s house, and her parents, asked him not to see her again, she is 19 and the girl is happy about the pregnancy; she’s willing to have nothing to do with him and her parents told him we will help our daughter meet her goals and raise her child.  He is forlorn; how could they just kick him out of his baby’s life!

He continues with his tale of woe to the person on the phone.  Well, while he was incarcerated, his girl friend would come and visit him.  During that time, she had a friend, who was a “church goer” and this girl decided to go and visit him with the Word.  He finishes his tour and decides to go visit the friend, well, he didn’t know what happened, but the next thing they had “relations.”  He was mortified and begged her not to tell his girl.  (He’s been with his “girl” for many years.)  No, he can’t tell anyone, because he’s afraid that his Mother will have another heart attack and he would lose his girl; and he doesn’t want that to happen.  YM is so besides himself, he can’t understand what happened.  The only thing he knows is, he’s fathered a child, who he won’t be able to see ever and he can’t tell the people he loves because he messed up.  How will he ever handle such a burden – he begs for advice. 

Do you see my big violin?  Neither do I – if you loved your girl so much, why screw someone else? 

Answer me that Batman!

Couple gets on the train.  I see them walking together, they don’t look like they are actually together, she’s dressed seductively and he geeky looking – opposites attract.  They both have wedding rings on – my guess, they are married to each other.

They sit in the seats in front of me.

They start talking and I can see both of them through the reflection in the glass.  They are in seats that face each other. 

She’s foreign, he American.

All of a sudden she starts talking about her husband.  He’s gone to Florida and he didn’t want to take her, he’s probably cheating on her.  Hmmm.  She explains to her escort, that’s why she’s able to see him a lot this week.

He starts to talk to her about his wife.  She tells him, “you need to give her some time, she’ll needs to feel safe and then she’ll lighten up.”  He, in reply says, “I wish my wife was a positive as you are.  I can’t believe she making things so miserable for me.”  They both lean into each other and start sucking lips. 

EXCUSE ME – may be she would be more positive if you weren’t cheating on her!  Women can sense stuff, although men think we are crazy!  We’ve got the power.

What hurts me the most, is seeing that it’s not just my heart out there cheating but a bunch of other folks.

Why is it so hard to stay with just one person, and why are other women entertaining men who have other women in their lives?  It’s not very nice is it.


My cheating heart breaks my heart every time we are having a good day, by staring at other women, or sneaking off someone; but I guess it goes to show that cheating hearts are all around us!


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My husband usually gets home before me. However, on this one day last week, my intuition was kicking; but more so, I left work early.  I got home at 5:30ish p.m., however, he was not home. His usual time is 5:00 p.m.

So, what’s a girl to do, especially when she’s got that feeling deep inside, oh yeah!

I call him, wanting to set up for dinner. He picks up his phone and is annoyed at me because I’m calling him.  He thinks I am sounding accusatory that he’s doing something bad. (Guilty)  Hmmm……

If you telephone your partner and he sounds like he’s annoyed at you, isn’t that the scientific method of correlation? You call him, then he sounds aggravated, your self esteem depletes and your reaction and/or tone is of resentment because he’s stealing your good intentions away – weird how that becomes your fault.

Well, since that’s been explained away, let’s continue.

Half-an-hour later, I get a text apologizes. I ignore the resistance to respond. It’s about another ½ hour later, I call him; once again, he’s upset I called, he’s got to pull the car over to the side of the road to take the call; and yet, in the background, I can hear the beeping of the car door when it opens up –LIAR – he was now getting into the car. We proceed to argue, I hang up on him.

He gets to the house, and continues to argue. We argue over the following: Time home: (a) he expected me home at 6:30 p.m.; therefore, he would have been home at 6:30 p.m.; but I got home at 5:30 p.m. a whole hour before; and I messed up. (b) me – he is usually home at 5 p.m. what’s the problem? Was he really working?

He jumps into the shower, and I am putting away the laundry, I hear him in the bathroom, “where were you? I was looking all over for you.” Silence, then “fuck you” in a soft loving tone. He then screams “arrgh.” Eventually getting out of the shower.

Me, was he pleasuring himself? That’s just ripe! After fight night, my friend said, “nope, he was on the phone talking to someone.  You do think he has two (2) phones don’t you?” 

 We settle in to attempt to eat dinner, but he brings up the whole thing again.

 Finally, we clean up the dinner table and things are strained. Me in my cap; I grab my pants and say, “hey, I’m getting out of here.”

As I start walking away, I realize what’s going on. I turn back around and walk over to him. “You know what? This argument is all about you. You didn’t expect me to be home at 5:30, but at the usual time, so you made plans to meet up with someone, and me being home early screwed you up.  This isn’t about me, but you, and you need to start being honest.”

Returning later that night, I jump in the shower and he joins me, and we end up making love and him in his full enjoyment, comes all over me. “I’m sorry I got you upset,” he said.

There is someone else, and I’ve narrowed her down – and I know where she works and lives. I just need time to find her properly and ask her to give me back my husband, that cheating liar!

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How can I get the courage?

Over the thanksgiving holiday, my husband and I slept at my mother’s house in my old room.  The house is shared with my sister, her daughter and my mother. 

 My husband stayed up late and I went to bed because I was intoxicated.  Well, when he came in to sleep, he started making his moves on me – not a problem.

 Problem, problem, and a problem.

 In the mist of us “making love” he says “jennifer, I want to be in you so badly.”

 My heart stopped.  Jennifer is my niece who happens to be 30 years old. 

 I was so hurt, yet didn’t have the courage to say anything to him – to make a scene.

 I am angry, and now somewhat jealous of my niece.

 Yet my feelings of jealousy should not be of my niece; but it should be anger for him being such a dick.

 How can I get the courage to leave him; when I love him?

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My husband recently related a story to me where he indicated he had an iphone.  I immediately questioned him, “do you have an iphone?”  He responds, “noooo, you know what I’m saying.”  No — I don’t.

The reality of it is that some people who cheat, if they believe that you’ve caught on to them, they  might have the audacity to get an extra phone to call the other person. 

How does one find such a hidden phone.

Unless you have enough time and energy, it will be extremely hard to do so.  Some folks are so sneaky that if you don’t have a nanny cam running 24-7, there’s no way to be able to find it.  Not even the use of a recorder could help you.

The saddest thing is, when you love the person and they don’t feel the need to be with you ONLY, and they are with someone else.  You lose the courage to leave them, and yet they don’t have the courage to tell you the truth, so EVERYONE suffers.

What cheaters don’t realise is that if you tell the truth, they will be able to help everyone in the show have a happy ending — no not that type of happy ending.

He or she may not be calling you at all during the day, but they are calling the other person.

He may not own a iPhone with you, but he owns one with her!

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Why do people cheat on their partners – male or female partners? Is it because they are just inhuman; they have no consideration? What is it?  Is it only Kim Kardashian who gets cheated on? Nope, it’s just more publicised with her and is it really real or fake?

My family and friends, when I told them of my suspicion, thought I was a lunatic, because he treated/treats me so good.

Hell, I even went to a seer; who said yes, he was with two women, but couldn’t really tell me when and where, only that it was a 30 minute deal because he couldn’t keep it together after that. How did she know that; it was true at least that part.

Thousands of years ago, when I was young and stupid, I cheated with someone. I broke up with him many times, but he kept coming back; and I like a fool would continue with it. When I had dates, he would call me, and I like a dork would pick up the phone, and talk to him briefly, and then get back to going on my date. It was a fucked up tactic he used, because when I went on the date I would hate the person. We broke up because his wife got pregnant and had the baby – the arse didn’t even have the courage to tell me the truth. We have managed to remain friends, but to tell you the truth, I don’t really try to keep in touch. He still makes comments about us being together, even when I was with someone else, and he met him – it was fucked up!

I feel like I’m paying for my karma now, but if the Lord our God is supposed to forgive us and we are supposed to forgive ourselves, etc, how come I’m in this predicament?

Back to the future or present.

I also believe my husband has fathered a baby with this woman. Every now and then I see her, but I don’t have the courage to ask her. Recently we saw her and she came over to us, but as usual, she didn’t make eye contact with me, only with him, and only spoke to him. Apparently, to her, I was just a tree standing on the curb; and received no acknowledgement.

I want to catch him, but can’t do it. I don’t have the money to afford a private eye. I’ve taken off work many times, and he’s actually, one time, saw me. I had to lie why I was walking in a different area. I had taken the train two stops before ours and decided to walk towards the apartment, but he was driving up the block and saw me. What’s really sad, is this woman.

What I don’t understand, is why didn’t he marry her instead of me, if he wanted to be with her; because I believe he is still continuing it with her.

I have always had an inkling he was cheating on me, but when I would try to catch him, it never seemed to work.

I’m using this blog to help get rid of my frustrations; and may be someone will be able to help me out with a kind and wise word.

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